I Can’t Believe It’s Not Sausage!

I’ve had to the good fortune lately to be able to sample various brands of non-meat. I have to say, overall, I am very impressed how close they can get with soy and a host of artificial flavors. This stuff called “GimmeLean” tastes very close to breakfast sausage. This particular product does have kind of a sagey aftertaste, and non-meat generally isn’t juicy, as the juice is really just grease. But you can mix it with some potatoes and egg whites and barely tell the difference.

I also tried Boca Burgers, which are awesome. They taste like real hamburgers but are just a little softer. Wow. I mean, dead on for flavor, guys. It’s also cool that they are cheaper than hamburgers. I got a box of 12 for five bucks.

Now, Boca Bratwursts are a total 180. A very convincing imposter on the outside, but on the inside they just couldn’t pull it off. Sort of like grains of grey rubber packed into that familiar sausage shape. They really look just like them, though, like Johnsonville Stadium Brats. I think what we have here is a lesson in the psychology of appetite. If you can’t make them taste like the real thing, at least make them look like it. By the time anybody realizes, its half eaten.

If you have to finish off two boxes of them like I do, I suggest that you pile the sauerkraut high, mixed with plenty of hot mustard. If you taste something that isn’t bitter, just swallow fast.



3 Responses to “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Sausage!”

  1. Cornelius Says:

    I have to wonder why it is that you’re partaking of an imitation when you could have the real thing. If it’s like Johnsonville Brats, why aren’t you eating Johnsonville Brats? You’ve been deceived by a lie! Come back to the truth before it’s too late!

  2. An-G Says:

    Just so you know McDonalds, Burger King Standard burgers, Jack in the box, Carl’s Jr and Taco Bell’s beef is all soy substitute. My husband’s allergic to soy that’s how we know.

  3. Ben Says:

    Unfortunately, bratwursts are my kryptonite. Earth’s yellow sun may give me superhuman stregnth and intellect, but its ground meats and sausages will surely put me into an early grave. Am I too young to fret about such things? Maybe. But apparently I’m not too young to have borderline cholesterol.

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