You know you’ve been in Iraq too long when…

The guys in my unit put toghether this list of ways to tell you've been there for too long.  Some of them may only be funny to those of us in uniform, but the bulk of them are really good.  Enjoy!

You know that you have been in Iraq too long when…

1. You call the barracks home.

2. The girl that was a 2 is now a 5.

3. You use words like "roger", "negative", and "say again" in normal conversation.

4. You go home for vacation.

5. The girl with the hairy legs and upper lip is the hot one.

6. Card board boxes are your desk.

7. You're over 20 years old and sleeping in a bunk bed.

8. You buy a DVD with 5 movies on it for $5 and feel like you got ripped off.

9. You don't pause your game because of mortars.

10. You lose weight because "I just can't eat that again."

11. You never know what day it is.

12. Getting a good meal involves a quarter-mile hike.

13. You get called a hippie because your hair is 1 inch long.

14. You're happy when it's ONLY 110 degrees.

15. Going to the bathroom involves shoes, a flashlight, and body armor.

16. Seeing a tank roll past is no longer cool.

17. All your clothes look the same.

18. You don't fix the hole in the crotch of your pants because "it's good ventilation."

19. You walk into a store with a rifle and nobody cares.

20. Your family knows what's going on before you do.

21. Everything you own fits in a 3 foot by 3 foot area.

22. 80 degrees is cold.

23. A man in a dress doesn't seem wierd.

24. Good sleep is 5 hours.

25. Someone gets shot and you're mad because now the phones will be down.

26. You've read more books in 3 months than you did in the rest of your life.

27. You're so bored that you hope someone will start shooting at you today.

28. You can't pronounce your interpreter's name, so you call him "Bob".

29. You wish that the guy you're searching ONLY had B.O.

30. You hear a boom and you know if it was a mortar or a rocket.

31. After almost being hit by a mortar, you and your buddy start laughing.

32. Half of the people you meet are named "Muhammed" or "Ali."

33. You catch three of your buddies watching "The Notebook", and without making fun of them, you sit down and watch.

34. You shower with shoes on.

35. You're so bored that you don't stop your buddy from telling a story that you've already heard 10 times this week.

36. The snoring around you is "soothing".

37. Listening to the radio is less important than watching the fly strip.

38. The mouse in your area is now a pet.

39. You buy Gold Bond powder in bulk.

40. You can tell the difference between American and Iraqi Pepsi.

41. You hear a familiar rap song, but you don't understand the words.

42. You bet on when and where the next rocket will hit.

43. You feel naked without your rifle.

44. You buy a Rolex that's not a Rolex on purpose.

45. You're happy because you get to shoot at a tailgater.

46. Your favorite food is Cup 'O Noodle.

47. You haven't seen a cloud in months.

48. Your buddies help shave each other's backs.

49. You dream in night vision.

50. The last time you were home you didn't have kids.

51. All you see are trash drifts instead of snow drifts.

52. If you have ever said, "It's not that bad here."

53. Farting is a contest.

54. Everyone you don't know calls you "Mister".

55. You don't notice the 40 lbs of body armor anymore.

56. You know what a "Hesco" is.

57. Privacy is a sheet.

58. You see an E-7 working.

59. A plate that holds food is the "hook-up".

60. You dress up for Halloween in your normal clothes.

61. You spend large sums of money to buy your favorite TV shows on DVD.

62. You rely on the food you get in packages you get from home for survival.

63. All your white socks are now tan.

64. You go to the Port-O-John to get away from the smell outside.

65. You wear your clothes for four days to save on wash time.

66. You know your friends by smell.

67. The sight of a man's naked but is no longer alarming.

68. You have ever yelled, "Who took the last can of Beanie-Weenies?"

69. You don't need an interpreter to understand your interpreter.

70. You will put your life on the line to get a good picture.

71. You buy an Airsoft pistol because the Army won't give you a real one.

72. You have huge speakers that you never use.

73. Your wife asks you what time it is there and you answer, "Twenty-one hundred."

74. You really would kill for Burger King.

75. The last forest you were in was a camo net.

76. You set booby traps for the foxes in your area.

77. You take bets on what gridline the next IED will explode.

78. When it feels good to patrol the MSR just to get off the FOB.

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Posted in Humor. 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “You know you’ve been in Iraq too long when…”

  1. Jared Richards Says:

    Blaine, when do you come home?

  2. Benski Says:

    Garr… ’tis a mighty list, my lad.

  3. MammaR Says:

    gives me an idea of what my son is going through now, in a humourous way when i dont feel much like laughing.

  4. PV2 Miller Tallon Says:

    i can relate

  5. Sam Says:

    wow guys !!
    im from iraq ! and i can relate to the shit that u have been going through . . . god bless !!

  6. Moseberry Says:

    I have been there, and all of those are as funny as hell, because they are true.

  7. zach swartz Says:

    ya im in iraq right now and got almost three months left before i come home and omg these are to true its not even funny…

  8. dave read Says:

    lol had me chuckling and im freaking in iraq.
    :P
    fob Falcon is where i’m at now.

    I’ve got my own few personal jokes i’ll put out now.

    You know you’ve been in Iraq too long when…….

    1. You start going to the Hodji shop just to buy Hentai porn.
    2. You goto the defact just to pick up energy drinks for the long nightshifts that you’ll be having. (ex. Guard Duty)
    3. You start internet dating for the first time at the MWR
    4. You can’t remember where you put down your weapon after you go use the latrine or shower.
    5. You see a wildlife and all you can think about is BBQ them.
    6. Your chain of command changes more times than you have cleaned your weapon.
    7. You forget your unit’s moto because you never sing it anymore.
    8. You’re hoping that the hodji movies you bought you can actually see something instead of someone’s head or arm.
    9. You start to not care about personal hygene just to get a few more min. of sleep.
    10. You know you’ve been in iraq too long when you come over to iraq married and come back single.
    11. You come over with a house, a car, and some money in the bank and come back without a dime to your name, your car gone, your dog dead and your house sold and your gf/ wife gone.
    12. You come back and your wife/ gf has a new boyfriend.
    13. You come back and your kids are married and have their own kids (Yikes! How long were you over there forn anyway?!)
    14. You had food from pizza hut and subway so much you get sick of it and never want to see another pizza hut/ subway ever again.
    15. You and your buddies play the “Trust game” that the Marines play.
    16. You forget what your unit’s mission or why you’re over here in the first place.
    17. You come to Iraq a virgin and leave not one anymore.
    18. The females in your unit start looking hot.
    19. You start flirting with the married females in your unit
    20. You’ve seen more troops move in and out of your barracks that you’ve lost count.
    21. You leave for Iraq in one piece and come back missing a few pieces ( :( i feel bad for all of you who this happened too. my prayers are with you all)
    22. You leave for iraq hating the terrorists and come back not caring anymore.
    23. You start missing hearing the Call to Prayer that you hear off in the distance when you come back home.
    24. You start making friends with the Private Security forces there.
    25. You only go to the PX to buy Monster energy drinks.

    I’m sure i have a few more but these are the best I have for now.

  9. Will Conn Says:

    after a long op u think u got a tan then u get to take a shower and mud cakes the drain then u look in the mirror and relize it was all moon dust and ur white as ever bc it acts better than sun block


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