Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like . . . you know the rest

Greg is always telling me I should write on the site, so here goes.

I recently learned something. It’s the kind of thing you never really expect to learn, so when it comes to you, it’s something of a shock. It really sunk in as we were talking on the way home from a trip to visit his parents. I don’t remember the exact contents of the conversation, but it was the talk about “home.”

When I was a kid, home was the place that my parents provided for me. Coming home was not a really big deal. Everything was taken care of for me: dinner, transportation, bills, everything. There’s a certain amount of nostalgia that accompanies thoughts of home when I was a kid.

I moved away from home for the first time when I was 19. I moved into a college apartment complex on the spur of the moment. I decided to move out and had moved in to the new place in less than a week. I was pretty excited to live on my own with my own rules, not quite anticipating the expenses and everything that comes along with “living on your own.” Coincidentally, Greg and I now live in that same apartment complex, but we’ll get back to that in a second.

I lived on my own for the next seven or eight years, in various apartments and houses. The strange thing was that I started to think of myself as having two homes. I would go home to Mom and Dad’s and then I would go home to my apartment. It didn’t matter than Mom and Dad just lived a few miles away. It was still home. I figured that when I got married it would be the same thing, just on a bigger, more inclusive scale. After all, I was inheriting a new set of parents. That means another home to which we could go.

I was wrong. And here’s the lesson. Any place that Greg and I are living is HOME. There’s Mom and Dad’s house, on both sides. Those places, while full of memory and loved ones, aren’t home. It’s a place where I used to live, just like my last apartment before I got married is a place I used to live. I was really surprised to discover this.

We recently moved and I think of the place that we used to live with more nostalgia and wishful thinking than I do of any other place I have lived. Our first little one-bedroom apartment that was crammed to the rafters and much too small for a growing family feels more like home than my parents’ house. After only living here, again in the complex that was my first home away from home, for only a month and a half, it feels more like home than any other place. We were excited to be coming “home” to this new apartment after spending the weekend at Greg’s parents’ house.

And I think this is what I’ve learned. Home is more a state of mind than a place. Any house that Greg and I share will be “home.” We are building home with each other, every day. I think that shift of feeling or understanding or whatever you want to call it is a big key to marriage and relationships. It’s a reflection of the commitment and togetherness that we are experiencing. Home becomes an outward symbol of the hard work and effort, the sacrifice and love, that makes our lives meaningful.

It seems to me that HOME is the best place to be, especially when I can be there with my best friend and all the memories that we are building together.


8 Responses to “Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like . . . you know the rest”

  1. whiteraven Says:

    you will disagree with me, and I will keep this one simple. I think this home you are describing is an illusion of ones experiences. Truely home is where you make it.

  2. anah Says:

    The word should be paradigm, not illusions. “Illusions” connotes that the described home is not real. “Paradigm” refers to the way one looks and perceives. It includes beliefs, experiences, a way of being, acting, and understanding.

    Also, I think whiteraven is ultimately agreeing with Space Kitten in that “home is where you make it”. She’s decided to to cut the parental strings and make her home with Greg.

    I think that is highly commendable. Not only ’cause Greg is a great guy, but especially because there are so many couples who get married and still want Mom and Dad to solve their problems or make their decisions.

    Once you’re married, it’s you and your spouse. You chose who you wanted to share life with “in good times and bad”. Now be one with that person and work things out as a team. You’re the “mom” and “dad” now. It’s both of your jobs to work together to make your “home” into whatever you want it to be.

    Now go do the right thing.

  3. White Raven Says:

    yes paradigm, yes home is where you make it, even not married home is where you make it you do not need another person to have a home.

    But isn’t a paradigm just a big word for illusion? Illusion: 1. An appearance or impression that has no real basis. False perception. 2. A mistaken notion or beliefe. 3. The condition of being decieved by false perceptions or beliefes.

    Paradigm is more like and example. Um not to be mean, but um, I do not like elitist perceptions very well, Kellie may have drawn me up as an idiot, but let it be known I am no fool. But of course I want you people to believe that, because underestimating me makes me even more dangerous.

    Sorry Greg I just hate it when people try to act smarter than everyone else, I do know my shit. Not to affend you anah I am sure you mean well, just be yourself who cares if you are smart or not, there is nothing to prove to me. I am just a regular person and you should think the same way.

  4. Greg Says:

    Please don’t attack other authors on this site. If you want to attack somebody do it somewhere else. There are plenty of other sites to do it on.

    If you feel you can’t write on this site without talking about other persons personal flaws then don’t write on or read this site at all. I’ve been careful to never attack anybody on this site as a person and I expect the same respect shown all the way around – even if you disagree with them.


  5. White Raven Says:

    Hey I was not attacking her. I was just trying to nicely say dont force yourself to be someone you are not. I know my nice needs a little work. Sounds like someone has been up all night with the kid (hehe I am wiser than you make me out to be). Illusion is the right damn word here, paradigm is this, her flesh was as pale and white as snow.

    I am not calling her stupid and I am not making fun of her I am just defending myself, attack me and I strike back without thinking. All I was trying to say is regardless of who you are or where you come from or even who you are with you are home, the sad fact is that the self is the most important person in your entire life we are wired that way.

    I could never get married I came to that conclusion,

  6. White Raven Says:

    Hey damn it we are sexual beings! To suppress that is to supress the very thing that makes us human. If God did not want us to be sexual he would not have made us the way we are.

  7. Greg Says:

    But God isn’t the admin of this site. There are plenty other places to be sexual and/or crude.

  8. White Raven Says:

    Nope but he commands the administrater of the site does he not? Hah I am sorry for being sexual, crude I can not help though. It is needed that I be crude, it humbles people a little bit, they will not listen if they are full of pride. I am sure you are thinking no they don;t listen when you are crude to them, yes they do but you have to change your tone with them, than they understand that they have limits with you, it is kind of like training a dog. Kind of a mean analogy but true never the less.

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