Local Man Has Teeth Pulled and First Drug Experience

This really all started when I was 10. My sister had her wisdom teeth pulled and was down and out for about two weeks. Her blood clots came out, she got dry sockets, and never stopped bleeding. In one horrifying display, she came to tell me to get the phone and could only say “Ben, Pho—” before her mouth erupted with gore. It could have been a scene from The Exorcist. Seriously.

I sort of developed a fear of having my wisdom teeth pulled. When dentists told me I could probably leave them in and never have any problems I said “Great.” If these teeth behaved and didn’t bother anybody they could stay as far as I was concerned.

But a couple of months ago that all changed. My teeth flared up and my cheeks expanded. I couldn’t open my mouth more than an inch. Imagine trying to eat a chinese buffet without opening your mouth. It was rough. These things had to go.

After discovering this procedure can cost as much as $2,000 I thought it would be wise to get some insurance. I had to sign up and wait for it to take effect before I could end the suffering. It was smart to wait because in the end it only cost me $300.

I elected to get lauging gas and local anesthetic, seeing as how general anesthic can kill you. I had always thought it was laughing gas because it tickled your nose. Nope. I was full on stoned. It makes you more giggly than 3 AM ELC Starcraft. The doctor said “take a deep breath” before he gave me the local anesthetic. My vision got blurry and the doctor and the assistant started working in fast-forward. I don’t think my perception of time was different but they just looked like they were moving at an incredible speed. I drifted off for a second and when I came to, I found that I was yelling, “I think I fell asleep!” 

The doctor said, “Woah, um… I think we need to turn his gas down.” 

The actual teeth pulling was about the same as the anesthetic part but with an occassional crunch. I never even saw the bits of teeth they pulled or the instrument he used. I was too busy dancing in the land of chocolate.

After the procedure, I called my wife to pick me up, but it took me a minute to remember my phone number. I was pretty loopy for the next few hours and my face was numb up to my eye lids.

During my recovery I was supposed to take Percocet, a narcotic. I took it twice then quit. That stuff made me feel like garbage. If I stood up for longer than a minute I would almost barf. It also makes you have to pee and each time peeing is longer than a minute. Bad Combo.

I’ve had a pretty easy recovery since then. In fact, I’d recommend getting those things pulled if you still have them. They are like ticking time bombs. You might as well deal with them on your own time table.

Plus, getting them out means less teeth to brush and floss. It’s worth it.


One Response to “Local Man Has Teeth Pulled and First Drug Experience”

  1. Greg Says:

    That’s hilarious. For me, I mean.

    You tell the story well. It fits in perfectly with Jared’s experience before his mission where, when on laughing gas, he kept chomping down on the fingers of the assistant and giggling.

    He probably would have done it anyway… even without the gas. He was a different person back then…

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